Consuming Fire

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:28-29

"He will sit as a refiner and a purifier of silver; He will purify the sons of Levi...  that they may offer to the Lord an offering in righteousness." Malachi 3:3

While in praise and worship, listening to a Misty Edwards song, I remembered...

Years ago...years ago, when I was a little child...

I had to have been 10 years old.  It was about 5 years before the year 2000!  My aunt was placing a fear in me that within that particular year, God was coming back!  I was extremely afraid.  I had this whole idea that He was coming back and we all had to be consumed in this big fire.  Whether you were going to heaven or hell, you had to burn.

I envisioned this fire that invaded my house and thought about how scary is was going to be...how painful it was going to be, but it was what God was going to allow and I had to do it.

That night I prayed and told God, "I know it going to hurt and it is going to be painful, but it will only last for a little while and after that there will be no more pain."  I told God that when I saw that fire that I would throw myself in it.  I was not going to run because I trusted Him.

I had not remembered that but it filled me with tears and hope.  I submitted to his all consuming fire.  I thought it was a physical fire but it was his purging fire.  That day, He made a convenant with me and today, I will stay say, "As painful as this fire has been, I will throw myself into it because after all unrighteousness is done away with, there will be no more pain!"

Personal but Worthy of Sharing...

Update from Last Post...He called asking why I had not called him and blah blah blah and things went back to what they were...the what they were that I did not want them to be anymore.  I had made a decision to have sex with him one last time, I guess, because I thought he wanted to and that he would not be angry with me.  I did not want to and I was upset with myself for agreeing to do this.  The Word of God says that He will give us an exit from every temptation and I wanted it and needed it!!


On Tuesday night my friend and I did our usual night of reading the bible and praying.  I was very out of it knowing what I was planning to do.  I wanted to pray, but what do you pray when you intend to sin?!  My heart was extremely heavy.  Maybe about two nights before that we had read 1 Peter 1 and 2.  1 Peter 1: 6-7.


⁶Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: ⁷That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:


I was being tried, but I felt like I was going to fail yet again!  So I did what I could do.  I prayed.  I told God that my intentions were not in the right place.  I questioned, how is it that He was showing Himself to be so awesome to me and yet I still kept falling.  It was not right for me to want to sin.  I told God that if there was an exit He could give me, I would take it!  The next morning he called me at 5:30 am and we got into one of our usual arguments and I ended the conversation with "do not call me ever again!"  That is always my unsuccessful way of running from him.  He called back and of course, I softened to him...Well he called me throughout the day and eventually came over.  I forgot about my prayers the night before and acted interested in completing the deal. 


He looked a bit distant and said that things were better said in letters or text messages.  I did not think anything of it and I started flirting on him and I am not sure what led me to say what I said to him but I said, "But, we haven't had sex yet..."  Then he said, "that is what I meant about the texting thing."  He proceeded with, "I do not think it would be a good idea to have sex because it is only going to complicate things.  I do not want you to wait for me and what if we do not end up together.  I do not want you to feel like I made you wait for nothing."  I immediately stopped flirting and said, "Okay...that is fine!"  I sat there for a moment and began to cry.  I was sad because it was a signal that things were changing and I know that it was not going to make my flesh feel good.  I was also crying because God truly did give me an exit and I took it! 


God is real.  He makes it more and more clear each day...

What Will Happen Now?

I am having a serious personal moment...not sure if I would want to say these things out loud, but heck, it is my reality right now...

I am a single mom and my sons father is...well I don't know what he is right now.  He did not want my to have our son.  Mind you, I did understand him because this was not planned.  He came in the midst of undesirable drama and at times I wish I did not have him for those reasons.  I love and cherish every moment but when times do get tough, I wish I had waited but I know God is in the midst of it all.  So, about two weeks ago his father and I had an arguement in which we agreed to be separate but functional parent toward our son.  We had never really been together, but for the past year, it has been very hard for us to let go of many aspects of our so-called relationship.  We had been trying to get things in order for quite a while now, but quite honestly, the enemy, satan or demons, whatever you want to call them, saw fit for us to continue to go back and forth.  I feel like I am more to blame because I am the professed Christian girl, fornicating!!  I know that God is real and that Jesus Christ is Lord but I did not want to be considered too religious and fell for the okie doke!  Now that I am fighting hard to walk out my repentance and salvation, I keep falling and then I look stupid in the end.  It wasn't what I wanted.  This makes me think about when God was talking to Jeremiah and He said, "be not dismayed at their faces, lest I confound thee before them!"  I was afraid to say no to him because I had been having sex with him all this time and I even managed a baby with him, why stop now?!  (Maybe because I do not want another baby; I don't want to argue like this anymore; I do not want anymore drama; I am tired of getting my feelings hurt; I MISS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD!)  Everytime God would force me to stop and look at what I was doing and how it was hurting me and then I would feel stupid for what I was doing again.  I had been praying that God would help me not go back into this lifestyle...I knew that I did not have the ability to say no.  So for the past two weeks, he has not called or came by.  I am glad because any other time he would use our son as a reason to be in my face and then get what he wanted.  I am hurt and yes I wonder why but it has been an answer to my prayers.  I have had the time and space to focus on God; my son and me!  I do pray for him and I do hope that God changes him but I know that I cannot do it for him.  I thank God for letting me know that and right now I am standing still so that I can see the salvation of God...more to come!

God Willing!

My Honey Made a Pooh Pooh...My favorite chant for the time being...

My son has been having constipation issues since forever!  I have been working so hard at alleviating that problem because my little man is not a happy constipation camper.  First step to getting rid of constipation.  Listen to your intuition no matter how many people try to coerce you into following their standards.

My mom wanted me to give him water, but his father and I both researched this separately and found that it added to his constipation.  That is how I knew my mother had been giving him water against my desires.  Every time he would consistently start having regular bowel movements, all of a sudden when he came back from grandmas, it would take him 2 to 3 days to have a bowel movement.

I started him on Gentlease Enfamil, which turned out to be awesome.  He was having bowel movements 2 to 3 times a day, but I got older and hungrier; he needed my substantial food.  As I began to transition him from the Gentlease to the Premium Infant formula, we, again, encountered constipation.  His baby sitter suggest I go back but I chose to move forward.  I used 2 scoops of Gentlease and 2 scoops of Premium Infant formula.  He had about 1 bowel movement each day.  I ended up having to change his day care and that is when things got a bit out of hand.

He stopped having his bowel movement often enough.  He had them every 2 to 3 days again.  I did not want to give him other food until he could handle this.  ( I will admit, I did add some specks of sweet potatoes and other small bits of my food...when can you do when he is looking at your food like it is a delicious steak meal?!)  I continued and nothing changed.  Well one day, I came to pick up my son early.  The day care attendant saw me and looked like a deer in headlights...not understanding why, I proceeded to get my son.  I followed a little girl who was taking his bottle to him so that he could eat.  When she gave him the bottle, anger rose up in me.  The bottle was packed with gunks of thick thick thick cereal.  The daycare was feeding him cereal to keep him asleep longer and they were not telling me.  I immediately asked what is was and of course they threw the blame around.  I left in anger. 

The next day, I fed him some green beans. ( Gerber baby food)...He had bowel movements all day for the next 3 days.  Then he stopped having bowel movements for two days and has now consistently been pooooohing away 3 times a day.  I still split the formula between the the Gentlease and the Premium Infant Formula.  I also add two scoops of Single Grain Rice only to his night time bottle.  When he wakes up after 5 am, his bottle is the regular formula mixed with his Powdered Multivitamin.  During the day time he is fed either Green Beans; Sweet Potatoes or Squash with some Apple Sauce for dessert(once) but not everyday...

I am extremely excited about him being able to pooh that I can sing that song all day.  I have learned to be patient and extremely careful.  I have learned to pay attention to any changes with him and I am not afraid to question the treatment of my child at day care.  People lie, and obviously just do not care about your standards and your own desires for your child...

Stay watchful and ask God for guidance and He will guide you!

My View on Vaccinations...

Since before I had my son, I was having issues about this vaccination war...  If you go online, there are many convincing sources that say that is not good to vaccinate...BUT, there are other sites, also convincing to me, saying that it is imperative that a child be vaccinated.  So what do I do?  I initially became very distrusting of vaccinations.  I am very sure that the companies that produce these shots make lots of money from them but could I be hurting my son by not allowing him to get them.  Children do die from the whooping cough!!  What if my son got one of these diseases and died from it?  I would be panged with the guilt of knowing that mayyyybbbeee if I had gotten the vaccination, he would have lived.  But what if I got him the vaccinations and he had a horrible reaction to it and developed autism or died soon after (as has happened with many other children after getting their routine vaccinations.)  I know these pharmaceutical companies believe that their vaccinations are safe but history shows that in that field they just do not know until it starts to negatively affect people.  I started to look at the root reasons for having vaccinations...

Vaccinations are supposed to introduce our bodies to these diseases in turn our immune system is supposed to develop antibodies to the vaccinations...just like if we get sick and our bodies respond to the sickness to fight it off.  I came to the conclusion that these diseases are natural occurances and the vaccinations are supposed to help our bodies create a defense to these diseases.  The next question is...What is an alternative, more natural way to strengthen my sons immune system without all the extra from vaccinations?

Our bodies need to have the proper vitamins to not only develop antibodies against the diseases, but all the vaccinations we allow our children to receive so that we can send them to daycare and school.  I went and researched the vitamins necessary to build of my sons immune system.  I then checked the vitamins and nutrients found in the formula I was feeding my son.  I found that the formula provided less than a quarter of the vitamins needed for my sons immune system to effectively fight off diseases or even the those presented to him through the vaccinations!

I challenge parents right now to be aggressive about your child's health.  Do not go with the craze of the media.  The craze of the media made me believe that I should be aggressive about not allowing my son to be vaccinated.  It gives you all the materials to fight the GREAT POWERS, but something key is left out.  I do believe that many doctors are aggressive about vaccinations simply because we do not research or go the extra mile to provide the best for our children.  How many parents are only formula feeding their bodies without supplementing it everything else to build its immune system.  Doctors know that by the time our children become a year old, many of them are munching on McDonald's and extremely processed foods because we do not have time to cook!  We are filling ourselves with so much junk and we do not feed ourselves what we need and we do same to our children...what are they left to do?  "Well their not going to get vitamins; eat their veggies; change their lifestyles, how else are we going to keep them from dying under their own negative habits.  Let's vaccinate them!  It may not be the best option but it will work for the time being."  Vaccinations are our one stop shop to say that our children are healthy enough to venture into the world.  I cannot just not vaccinate your child and neither can you just vaccinate your child! 

I am still very leary of vaccinations but I have decided to work togethers a conclusion.  My first step is to place NutriStart Multivitamin Powder by Rainbow Light.  When I researched the vitamin needs of babies, I found that this Mulitivitamin contained all the vitamins in the right amounts.  I am only doing this until he gets a bit older.  He is only consuming; Enfamil Formula with the Vitamin every morning.  He eats some baby veggies;applesauce; one grain rice in his bottle before bedtime.  I try to keep it simple because I do not have much time on hand, right now.  That is a work in progress.  I did not allow him to get the initial vaccination at birth.  I did allow him to get all the mandatory vaccinations at 3 months.  I have skipped the vaccinations for the 4th and 6th month.  I am waiting another two months for him to continue with the vitamins.  After those two months are up, I will only allow for him to have the vaccinations needed at that time.  I guess you could say I am keeping him behind schedule.  I feel like I do not have to be rushed into these vaccinations.  I have a while before he attends school, and I just pray that God will continue to guide me in this process.  The awesome thing about right now is that I am at peace with my decision.  WE HAVE RIGHTS!  TAKE ADVANTAGE!

The only thing that saddens me is that I might have to change my eating habits...He is going to follow what I do and not what I just tell him to do.  I might have to have eat my peas to get him to eat his peas...uuggghhh

WHY BLOG?

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!  I am currently a single mother of a wonderful 6 month old boy.  I am a student and I work a full time job.  I love Jesus.  I love to talk and tell stories and boy do I have stories.  I will be talking about raising my son...my career...and MOST IMPORTANTLY, JESUS!  God has been showing Himself to be awesome and I will testify...if you are willing...come along!