Update from Last Post...He called asking why I had not called him and blah blah blah and things went back to what they were...the what they were that I did not want them to be anymore. I had made a decision to have sex with him one last time, I guess, because I thought he wanted to and that he would not be angry with me. I did not want to and I was upset with myself for agreeing to do this. The Word of God says that He will give us an exit from every temptation and I wanted it and needed it!!
On Tuesday night my friend and I did our usual night of reading the bible and praying. I was very out of it knowing what I was planning to do. I wanted to pray, but what do you pray when you intend to sin?! My heart was extremely heavy. Maybe about two nights before that we had read 1 Peter 1 and 2. 1 Peter 1: 6-7.
6Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: 7That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
I was being tried, but I felt like I was going to fail yet again! So I did what I could do. I prayed. I told God that my intentions were not in the right place. I questioned, how is it that He was showing Himself to be so awesome to me and yet I still kept falling. It was not right for me to want to sin. I told God that if there was an exit He could give me, I would take it! The next morning he called me at 5:30 am and we got into one of our usual arguments and I ended the conversation with "do not call me ever again!" That is always my unsuccessful way of running from him. He called back and of course, I softened to him...Well he called me throughout the day and eventually came over. I forgot about my prayers the night before and acted interested in completing the deal.
He looked a bit distant and said that things were better said in letters or text messages. I did not think anything of it and I started flirting on him and I am not sure what led me to say what I said to him but I said, "But, we haven't had sex yet..." Then he said, "that is what I meant about the texting thing." He proceeded with, "I do not think it would be a good idea to have sex because it is only going to complicate things. I do not want you to wait for me and what if we do not end up together. I do not want you to feel like I made you wait for nothing." I immediately stopped flirting and said, "Okay...that is fine!" I sat there for a moment and began to cry. I was sad because it was a signal that things were changing and I know that it was not going to make my flesh feel good. I was also crying because God truly did give me an exit and I took it!
God is real. He makes it more and more clear each day...
No comments:
Post a Comment